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August 03 Revelations from Public EnemiesThe last 15 minutes of the show led me to a few conclusions when it comes to making the kill.. it's very similar to the attitudes I've seen with respect to servicemen from different echelons of leadership and their attitudes towards making decisions. When the crunch comes: The Men (all the humji/blur policemen) are too scared/blur to do anything useful. The Specs (the less humji and but still quiet blur agents) don't have enough initiative and have to ask the Officers and Warrant Officers what to do. The Officers (Melvin Purvis) are deep in thought whether it should be done this way. The Warrant Officers (the old encik-like police agent that shot Dillinger) just heck care and whack. On a side note, the show has sparked off my interest in music from the 1930-1940s. Many wonderful bands and artistes took shape during that period and subsequently defined much of what we know today as Jazz, Swing, Blues, and some primitive forms of Rock & Roll. It was a tough time where people turned to music as a form of expression and escape, thanks to improving radio technology and gramophone/turntable records.
July 22 Troll'dOkay here's how it goes.
1. NS boys board bus, due to the chiongsuah nature of most combat fit servicemen, they are not pleasant-smelling, but not by choice.
2. Mother on the bus saw her 2 daughters made a few sick faces after smelling the odour, but doesn't realise that her little girls' faces actually looked like crap all along.
3. Writes some forum post on STOMP saying that all NS boys should be banned from taking the bus because they have NS allowance and can take taxi.
Gentlemen, you just witnessed the greatest trolling event ever known to mankind. Even if that was true, banning NS boys from taking the bus doesn't solve the problem........ Why don't they just ban NS altogether, so they can rescue public transport from the scum of putrid smelling national servicemen.
In any case, this sparked off a good USMS suggestion. Issue deodorants to all servicemen! Guys, don't bother submitting it. It's mine already.
USMS Suggestion Quota for WY: 1/4
Woohoo, thanks JusticeLegal! June 07 EstimationI've come to realise that most people would tend to overestimate themselves, and underestimate others. I'm guilty of doing this sometimes. Seldom do you hear people talking about their weaknesses at the workplace, their shortcomings and lack of interpersonal skills, their poor ability to multi-task and having just as much initiative as a granite boulder with moss growing on it. You always hear about people talking about their epic responsiblity at the workplace (I do this a lot), being the self-sacrificing heroic valorous vanquisher of the chao keng and along the way, doing their work for them. I do that a lot too. If everyone rates themselves as above average, then who exactly is above average? Let good work speak for yourself. Let praises come from the mouth of others, and not your own. It's about time we all take a step back, and start being more critical of ourselves. May 13 Things They Don't Teach You in OCSThe angry customer complains that the spaghetti is too cold and tastes bad. He then proceeds treats the waiter like shit and complains to the manager. The manager reprimands the waiter, and the waiter quickly brings your food back to the kitchen to prepare a new dish. In the meantime, the manager apologises profusely because his reputation is at stake. 15 minutes later, the waiter serves the angry customer a piping hot plate of spaghetti, together with 5 meatballs (2 more than the previous plate) at the side, and savoury tomato sauce garnished with fresh parsley. It tastes great, and the customer happily thinks to himself while munching on his food, "these losers better not mess with me." Little does the customer know that before the spaghetti was served, it was passed around the kitchen and everyone spat into it. The tomato sauce was poured on it and stirred, so that the spit is masked. As the now-satisfied customer struts out of the restaurant after having a seemingly good meal, the waiter winks at the manager, and the manager strolls over to give him a high-five. * * * The angry NSF officer shoots angry emails all over the place, complaining about every single thing not going his way. Sure, the drivers are late. But are all your men early? Sure, some of them drive recklessly, or don't even know how to drive properly. But at the end of the day, when you need that last 5-TON to do your crucial store runs, or a GP car with driver to send an urgent despatch, who's help do you need? Going about criticising your surroundings is not a good idea, especially when you haven't carved out a good reputation. If you're really so capable, you gotta talk sense into people. Speak in a way they understand, put things in such a way that they should do a good job. And even then, what people want is feedback, and not "so-and-so is always late, pls give him 7 extras". Yes, he was late and some action needs to be taken to rectify this. But if you don't do things tactfully, you're going to have difficulty getting things done, because people will make things difficult for you. At the end of the day, the only thing you're shooting is your own foot. April 10 Perfection"In the end, it's these small things you'll remember.
These imperfections that make them perfect... for you." March 20 The RoadTO THINK that I was once so close to commissioning as well. 1 more day, and exactly 1 month after I was removed from Echo Wing, the rest of my batch are about to have their lives changed.
After talking to many people, I came to realise that many of those around me are not aware (or at least not constantly aware) that Officership is not just about getting a nice rank to wear on your shoulder, about getting paid more than most NSFs, about making your parents and loved ones proud. It is not just about leading men (applicable to the top few that get the chance to), and not just responsibility.
The SAF does not spend so many resources to train you all, make you all go through 2 overseas training, all that free medication and consultation sessions at the medical centre that most people take for granted, all the live-firings, all the lectures by high-ranking military personel, just to let you serve your remaining 10 months of your NS liability (excluding regulars).
Officership is about serving at an entirely different capacity, even after you ORD. When people ask me whether I would recourse, I tell them, "Hell yeah, why not? 3-6 more months for a lifetime of officership." Instead of being passive and waiting for instructions like other ranks, officers are in a position where they can be proactive and take the initiative to get things going, even though most of the time you're under the charge of higher-ranked officers. You are not just expected to lead, but to also go beyond your written roles and responsibilities to help and influence the people under AND ABOVE you. Many people don't understand this.
Sometimes when I look at my Sergeant's chevrons, I like to chuckle to myself, "wow looks like PS is really a PS now." And I'm completely fine with that, because regardless of whatever happened over the past few months, I did what I felt was upright. And now, I've learnt to be more receptive to the feedback of others and how to hide my own troubles. However, it really pains me to be reminded about how close I was. What I couldn't understand was how I always seemed to be pathetic in my instructors' eyes, to be percieved to be excessively selfish and have a poor attitude. I felt wronged, but at the same time shocked, because I was previously unaware of so many things.
Now, I am determined to show them, that leaving me in command of a section (and soon, platoon) was the right thing to do - not out of pity for putting me through so much in the past 9 months, but because I have always had the ability to influence the people around me, to take care of them. And I remember how I was treated back then in OCS by my peers, my instructors, and the performance review board, and I feel a little confused that everyone felt otherwise.
The Comms Ball Magazine was the fruit of many hours of work. People would come up to me to say, "you're OOC, why do you still insist on doing the comms ball mag?"
They don't understand, or perhaps were not aware the I am the 72/08 Commissioning Ball Magazine IC. That means, I make sure at the end of the day during your comms ball, you get a fucking nice book complete with written commentaries and meaningful pictures that you will treasure for the rest of your life. I am responsible for the whole team that's working together to collect resources to put the magazine together, and if they're not doing their job, its my fault. That's what OCS has taught me.
When I was declared OOC, my source of comfort was that I FINALLY HAD ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD FOR THE NEXT 2 WEEKS TO FINISH WHAT I STARTED OUT TO DO. I didn't want to simply hand everything over, in a complete mess, to Shao Rong and let him get things done (even though I'm sure a person of his calibre has no problem fixing the magazine up). I took up ownership of the magazine, for my batch, my wing, my platoon. (Ironically, also the same group of people that caused me my "misery".) I wanted to be a part of them, even though I know my face will not show up in everyone's No. 1 graduation photo, that my name was struck off in red pen on the "List of Commissioning Officers of 72/08", that I never went through any of the commissioning parade rehearsals with them.
Tomorrow, at 5.45pm at SAFTI MI parade square, they will commission. I really hope they do a good job and don't ever let anyone look down on them for being NSFs, because an Officer is an Officer.. And for those that were not outstanding cadets, just because you were an outstanding cadet, doesn't mean you'll be a great Officer. Watch your egoes, and be true to yourselves, so that I, and all the other specialists and men, will gladly be put to serve under your command.
March 14 HauntingThe Gods have yet to decide his final destination, and neither has he completely accepted his fate.
The ghost wanders aimlessly. He is confused, because just a while ago, he still existed. Now, his name is cancelled off namelists. His room was taken by someone else; his belongings sent back to where they came from. He gazes intently at the mortals around him, wishing he could enjoy all the worldly pleasures again. The ghost wants to be part of the living, to linger among them and joke about all the silly things that other humans do. As he strolls down the corridoors in the block he once resided in, he is pleasantly surprised that some people can still aware of his presence. A few could still hear him speak. Some, can weakly sense him around, but chooses to leave him be. Most are simply.. normal... The dead and the living aren't supposed to interact, after all.
My friends, this is what it feels like to be dead. March 05 DramaThere's still a lot of drama going on at Echo Wing now. What a miserable place to be.
If there's one thing I learnt, it's this: Don't wash dirty linen in public.
But the situation is very complicated (it always is), and once again, someone's place in OCS is at stake. Politics among cadets can get so ugly... I cannot imagine when high-ranked officers are compete with each other for promotion. Of course, I'm not implying that there are, but when male pride and egoes are concerned, happy endings are rare.
Welcome to the world of adults! February 25 OutMy journey in OCS comes to an abrupt and unpleasant end.
I can't say I'm dealing with it fine. It's not okay to OOC when there's 3 weeks left in the course, when you just finished serving 21 days of RCP (SOL) and then get kicked out.
But that is not to say, that I do not deserve this. It is not up to me to decide, and since it has been decided, then so be it. Take what you can from this experience and move on with life. Make the most of what you have, and be proud that you hung on to the last moment, even though everyone was throwing all kinds of shit at you.
I have been true to myself, and I have no regrets. I will continue to serve the remaining of my National Service as whatever the government deems fit for me. I will not down PES, or skive, because I never did throughout my 3 months in BMT, 8 months in OCS, and never will for the remaining 11 months of service. It is a pity that those who have assessed me failed to see any positive qualities, if they even thought I had any from the start. But like what Gaelan said: If you don't intend to sign on, then you don't have to worry about people that look down on you in the army, because you don't need to prove anything to them.
If
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you But make allowance for their doubting too, If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don't deal in lies, Or being hated, don't give way to hating, And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise: If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools: If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!" If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; If all men count with you, but none too much, If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds' worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son! --Rudyard Kipling February 14 Romeo Charlie Papa.. AGAINI'm starting to feel like a rechargeable battery.
Everytime my charge ends, I get charged again. December 31 SimilarityExactly 2 years ago, I faced the same situation. A memory so vivid that everytime I think of it, it feels as if I'm peering through a crystal clear pool of water...
The groundsheet was untidily sprawled on the grass. I was exhausted, too tired to even lay it on the grass properly before my legs gave way and I collapsed onto the ground. It was the second night of my Venture Cord Navex, and I had walked nearly 60km over the past one and a half days; things definitely haven't been going smoothly. For many reasons, everything was in a mess right from the moment morning inspection started. And now, I barely got half of my checkpoints correct, wandering on the verge of failure. I glanced over to my hike companion, he looked equally tired and demoralised, if not even more than me. Sitting there in my soaked Scout uniform, I dozed off for a brief moment that night. When I woke up, I realised the instructors have arrived already and have begun inspecting the potential President Scout candidates' navex logs. It was my turn next, and I limped over to the bench where my assessor was sitting, with a look that would later be known to all my platoon mates in OCS as the "shag face". As he flipped through my checkpoint descriptions and mapwork, he frowned, and so did I, upon seeing his expression.
"You know, the chances of you passing this are next to zero," he said to me, in a very solemn tone.
"I know."
What else could I say? I didn't prepare myself adequately. Even my hike companion was found only at the last minute. Then came the big question.
"You can quit now if you want. I'm not gonna lie to you or anything, your log is in quite a mess. If you withdraw now, at least you can just pack up and not waste you and your companion's time."
I would later learn that the decision that I was about to make, was a huge mistake. After signing the withdrawal form, I gave my father a call and he came to pick me up the following morning. I was relieved that my aching legs could finally rest, that at least the hike was over, that I withdrew early and didn't risk wasting me and my buddy's time. It only occured to me later on, a few weeks later (yes, it took that long), that I shortchanged myself. The whole point of the assessor asking you that question, is to test whether you have the fighting spirit to push on even when the odds are stacked up against you. When I withdrew, I did not avoid wasting me and my buddy's time. I made sure that my buddy and I, had wasted all the time and effort walking like hell all over Singapore. How foolish!
After that, I learnt something about fighting spirit, something that would come in very useful now, and for the rest of my life. I thought I learnt that lesson so well, that I was sure that for the rest of my life, when I am faced with difficulties, I will be able to make use of this memory and use it to push myself and take on the challenges ahead. It is always easy to think that life isn't too bad when things are going smoothly for you. Only when the shit starts falling on you, then you'll think twice and the thought of giving up will definitely pop up in your head. That's human nature. I thought I was prepared, and that's where I went wrong.
Now, the same situation staring straight at me, with the same piercing glare on the assessor's face that haunts me even until now. I have carelessly commited a grave offence, so serious to the extent that it has already warrant my OCS instructors a damn good reason to send me out of course even after I finish serving my punishment. And now, it appears that I may be given the chance to "give up". I will still have to march up that hill, but there's a good chance that I don't have to go through any more crap, other than marching up the hill. And once that is done, I can leave this place and spend my remaining NS liability elsewhere, having a potentially easier time with little or no responsibilities for the rest of my life (in the army, at least). How carefree!
So how?
It must sound like a real joke, but as long as I will have to put on that green camouflage uniform, I'm going to think like how a patriotic soldier would. If ever our country is engulfed by war, and as a male citizen I would be required to serve, I will go, even if it means not coming back in one piece. I'll probably OOC and not commission as an officer regardless of what happens during the next 3 weeks, but that doesn't mean I'm going to chicken out now.
Screw it, lets go get 'em.
December 14 Echo Wing RestaurantIf Echo was a restaurant, its specialty dish would be False Hope, served with a generous portion of Mind Games and delicious Lame Sauce. The "Echo Wing Special", Julius likes to call it, and its one thing the cadets can't get enough of. JIAK!
Okay guys, we're having a canteen break from 2030 until 2055. Stand-by-area at 2100. Oh, I hope the canteen sells lots of Area Cleaning because we're going to need some of it back at Wing Line. If that wasn't bad enough, they'll promise you block leave then make those that ran out of leave stay back... only to tell you just in time that block leave was actually approved, and they deducted the leave from next year in advance. EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER WhOaAa!
Even when it comes to ATP - it was announced that all our results were void because someone threw the only printed hard copy of our markmanship scores away. 10 minutes later, the PA system announces that our results were not voided after all, and wishes us a good night's rest. Why do you always cheat my feelings like that?
I just hope this doesn't continue to get worse. Who knows, maybe on the 38th week when we commission, they'll give us 4 white bar epaulettes instead of 1 black bar; just ike the dish that always shows up on the menu even though nobody ever orders it. November 07 Maggot MusicOh anyway, the other day I played the guitar with my Seargent Major. He's this incredibly fierce yet funny man, retiring very soon, and he just walked into my bunk, picked up a guitar and started playing! As expected, my eyes lit up. And anyone with half a brain will know that when a person's eyes light up like that, he's got something special when it comes to music. So I grabbed a guitar too and we just started jamming.
We played Better Man by Robbie Williams and Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton, had the whole bloody platoon squeezing into my bunk to watch us play. He played the chords and sang, while I did the lead parts and some primitive improvisation, and singing in harmony for the chorus. It was so damn good, and Osborne tried to catch us on video... until the battery went flat. Guess what? Video wasn't saved. You guys really missed out man. It's like Hussein Bolt breaking the 100m sprint record, and just at that moment, there was a power trip and everyone turned their heads away for a split second and nobody noticed that he broke the record.
Whoa!
November 06 Heart of DarknessI once read this stupid quote saying that loneliness is the most painful thing that a person can suffer from. What, because some girl doesn't like you? Because your friends all forgot that you're going to Brunei and didn't organize any gatherings even though you always remembered every single person's departure overseas and made it a point to meet up for supper/dinner?
If that's the case, I can tell you I'm a fucking tough guy who has a damn high threshold for pain.
As I sit here typing this, I am a little more 5 days away from venturing into the Heart of Darkness. For the last 9 days of the 21, pain will become my companion, hunger will become my friend, and fatigue will become my soulmate. And I am determined to know them so well, that when I finally emerge, I will feel a strange sense of contentment...
That when you're in the Heart of Darkness, loneliness is nothing.
Whoever that came up with that quote, probably didn't go through JCC.
Notice at around 30 seconds, the a line shows up on the bottom left corner - "Best time to visit: February - October"
Oops, not good at travel planning, are we? :P
November 02 Shut Up and WalkI was told by a senior of mine, whatever happens during JCC, just "shut up and keep walking, and tell those that whine to shut up and keep walking too". Best practical advice ever. Time for me to shut up and walk. October 19 Fiction and Non-FictionI remember there used to be a boy who would declare naively, "reading fiction is a waste of time!" I don't know why, but I believed him. And I was so sure that I was right in doing so, I avoided fiction books like how mosquitoes avoid SAF Insect Repellent.
One year later, while reading a friend's novel in bunk, I decided to call him up to talk to him about what he said. Comparing the "me" now and then, I'd say there is one fundamental difference: I used to have freedom. As much as I'd love to say "maturity level", I still have some integrity ok (much to your disappointment).
When you have freedom, you can do anything you want to. I used to feel so alive, being able to spend my time in any way I like. I felt like I was in control of my life. And now, as much as I'd hate to say this, I find it difficult to even talk about the things that I usually talk about back in school. I hardly even bother to say anything intelligent now, because a good 90% of the people around me seem to respond more towards non-sense than sense.
And that's where reading fiction comes in. It becomes like an escape from reality, like food and water for my impoverished mind. In the absence of freedom, fiction becomes a medium for the mind to wander into different worlds and at least seek temporary solace from the physical constraints of your bunk. The writer lets you put yourself in the shoes of the antagonist, and you seem to be able to relate to what the characters are going through.
Until they ask you to fall in Smart 4 in 5 minutes with commander's bag, one full water bottle and writing materials. Oh, don't forget to bring your camp pass and 11B. September 24 3 Months LaterThree months after I first declared a haitus, I decided to write just a short entry to keep track of some my thoughts. OCS has been everything I thought it'd be, and maybe even more. Service term was like a derailed roller-coaster, and I barely survived it. Ending off with an Oscar Bravo was not exactly the most wonderful way to wrap up a term, but it was better than moving into Professional Term blindfolded, unaware of my own weaknesses.
My first prolonged period of sleep depravation during Section Field Camp, getting humiliated in front of my whole platoon at an average of twice a week (when I held appointments), reaching physical exhaustion and having your platoon commander drag you by the collar on the ground, digging trenches continuously for 72 hours... After going through certain things, you slowly strip away whatever expectations you have in life, and learn to leave only one set - expectations of yourself. I remember asking several outstanding fellow platoon mates whom I think very highly of, "what is your motivation?"
Most of the time, they simply look at me with a puzzled look - head tilted either to the left or right by approximately 10 degrees and raise an eyebrow.
"Motivation? Not that I have any..."
At first I didn't understand; maybe I'm the kind that can only work with a carrot dangling before me. And now, its about time I come to realise how they can perform without any specific "motivation". They are trying their best to perform up to their own standards, their own expectations of themselves - the strongest motivation of all that comes from deep within.
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. - Aristotle
And outside of OCS? I have come to appreciate my family much more. I don't know why, but I am extremely fond of my younger brother and spend most of my weekends helping him with schoolwork, guiding him from my past experiences, and hoping he can become a better person than I am. I cannot find my intentions behind such actions of care and concern that I have never shown for anyone before. And the satisfaction that I get from seeing my brother excel in school and in life is immense!
Apart from that, usual routines still stand. Meeting up with friends for lunch or dinner, going out for a movie once in a while, and surfing the internet. I read alot lesser than before, which is going to be a problem if I don't start picking up new books to stimulate myself.
Social night was not too long ago, and it was really great while it lasted. My date's flying off soon, and so a year of unsuccessful pursuit comes to an end.
I wonder if I can find a nice girl to accompany me to my Comms Ball? :D
* * *
And if you ask her
For whom she wears the ribbon?
She wears it for the soldier,
Who wears the Green Beret!
Green Beret! Green Beret!
She wears it for the soldier
Who wears the Green Beret!
June 14 To Spot a Black SwanTo put simply, a Black Swan is defined in Nassim Nicholas Taleb's book as an occurence that is improbable or difficult to predict, yet has disproportionately powerful consequences. I'm barely through the first chapter, so I've yet to fully grasp this concept. I apologise in advance if my (over-)simplified explanation leads you to a false understanding of this phenomenon, because it certainly requires a bit more explanation. If you've already read the book, then good for you.
Now, back to what I wanted to say: it occurred to me while reading the book this morning on the train, that the recent deaths of the 2 National Servicemen may actually be Black Swans themselves, because such accidents are similar in nature to that of Black Swans - improbable, hard to predict from previous information, has distortive consequential effects (to the extent that a 3-day halt to all physical endurance training was announced) and sadly, not completely avoidable, i.e. it will continue to occur even if all preventive measures have been taken place.
Now, you have no idea how excited I actually am to actually be able to be part of this Black Swan phenomenon taking place (I am a National Serviceman after all). In any case, studying the causes, frequency and the prevention of sudden death among National Servicemen during training is definitely very very similar to the Black Swan problem proposed in the book, The Black Swan. This entry will now come to an abrupt halt, much to your dismay.
How anticlimatic! But I cannot write further for I have not read enough of the book to actually know what I'm talking about. I don't want to end up smoking my way through, which is at the very best, intellectual dishonesty; at worst it could become what we commonly recognise as bullshit. |
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